Oh Chocolate, how I miss you.
Ever since I had to give you up (almost entirely) late last year I have been thinking of you.
When I see you in the distance I have to remind myself to keep away from you, to be strong.
How I would love to sit with you, on the sofa after lunch, with a cup of tea.
Or even to spend time with you and my friends.
Before Christmas I thought I would pine away without you
... my weight plummeted.
But after Christmas I lost my energy and enthusiasm for life without you
... I sat on the sofa for hours at a time
... knowing that others were enjoying you instead of me
... turning into a couch potato, my skirts became tight again.
Sometimes I catch a glimpse of you, a taste even ...
(made by Emily)
... while I eat a choc chip cookie.
I enjoy the slightest reminder of the lost pleasure of being with you.
I've tried to find other loves,
but nothing takes your place.
Once or twice I have given in completely,
and indulged in forbidden pleasure.
But it is not the same.
The joy is gone
and tasting you becomes a calculated affair
to be indulged only on certain days
and fraught with fear of the consequences.
But I know that in an instant I could be with you again
... everywhere I look reminds me of you
... I have so much of you around me still.
Sometimes I forget that you are gone from my life,
I reach out for you ... and then remember.
But I shall be strong,
... knowing that being without you is for the best.
And knowing also that the previously unthinkable life without you
is actually possible,